march.
whoa. 2011.
beginning my 2011 by sketching out what my year looks like. i can’t believe how many adventures already lie ahead.
- moving to california jan 19th and living with p for 3 weeks
- moving into new place, living with m
- teukie coming to visit for a week
- nyc trip
- sister coming to visit
- ryan coming to visit
- getting to see sins show for first time
- ottawa trip in june
- detroit in july
excited.
off to do korean traditional new years stuff with family and (maybe) go to friend’s house for new years day black eyed peas and collards.
this waz an experiment
to see how selifsh i cd be
if i wd really carry on to snare a possible lover
if i waz capable of debasin my self for the love of another
if i cd stand not being wanted
when i wanted to be wanted
& i cannot
so
with no further assistance & no guidance from you
i am endin this affair
— Ntozake Shange, For Colored Girls who have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf
On Trusting, Matthew 6:25-34
This brings me peace. Yesterday I told my mom that I’m exhausted because all I do lately is worry - worry about her and my halmoni’s health, worry my dad will have to quit his job because of disability, worry my brother will get tasered again (or like Oscar Grant, killed), worried about sexual violence because my sister is often in unsafe spaces like frat parties, worry I’ll be stuck here, worry about my friends going through disabled/queer/poor people shit…
Today I was working at the kitchen table when she said “Don’t worry, daughter. It won’t make you taller or grow your hair. Just trust. Rest in God.” The prospect of learning how to recognize what I do not have agency over - and trusting in God/universe, while doing what I can - is so fantastically amazing to me.
This is the exact verse she referenced:
Matthew 6:25-34:
Jesus said to his disciples:
I tell you not to worry about your life! Don’t worry about having something to eat or wear. Life is more than food or clothing. Look at the crows! They don’t plant or harvest, and they don’t have storehouses or barns. But God takes care of them. You are much more important than any birds. Can worry make you live longer?
If you don’t have power over small things, why worry about everything else?
Look how the wild flowers grow! They don’t work hard to make their clothes. But I tell you that Solomon with all his wealth wasn’t as well clothed as one of these flowers. God gives such beauty to everything that grows in the fields, even though it is here today and thrown into a fire tomorrow. Won’t he do even more for you? You have such little faith!
Don’t keep worrying about having something to eat or drink. Your Father knows what you need. But put God’s work first, and these things will be yours as well.
integrity
thinking a lot about accountability, blogging as performance, political personas, and what kind of human being i want to be. definitely not this kind. trying to think about how i can grow.
glittergeek: searching for discipline, survival →
with a job that can hurt my heart so, i need to find time to write. it’s hard to put myself in that space, but i’m trying to write between the lines, between the minutes & hours.
here’s something i’ve been working lately. a poem for a most treasured friend.
—-
for stacey
powerchair femme
purple haired sweet
sparkly sneakers sitting
like summer
roaring
& raging radiant, always
we pull poles of gender
in ways not quite opposite
but
not quite the same
toeing waters of history
mythic let us find our own way
dongsaeng
oppa will paint your eyes
with glitter
let our definitions twist
upon each other
crossing holding overlap&pass
like paper folded vessels let us
hold inspire
your memory
in oils
written
on the inside of my hand
& crossing palms
i want to hear you smile
feel your laughter
see your touch
it feels like water
& sounds like sunlight
& moves
like softly closed eyes
like you
a whisper
roaring.
I have sat in the shadows of giants / nursed at the teet of revolutions / And spoken into the ear of power there / My near invisibility intact when I, seated, am near when the exchange of profession and proclamations / of projects produced are rung out. / My history, footprints, leave no trace there / and there is no reminders as to where I have tread.
— Nicocoer
I’d cry for you / and pop for you / and break for you / and hate for you / and hate you too / if you want me too / oooh I, I’d pray for you / crochet for you / make it from scratch for you / leave off the latch for you / go to the store for you / do it some more for you / do what you want me to: guess I’m a fool for you.
— Erykah Badu
rebel diaz -libertad
The reason Sarah Palin can say she’s a feminist in all seriousness is because there is no accountability set in place whereby we can all go—uh—no. I mean, somehow, everybody knew to talk to MLK or Malcom X when they needed quotes, right? Everybody knew that Bull Conner was NOT a part of the Civil Rights movement, right? How? How did we all know that? How many white fucked up southern leaders of that time said something along the lines of “I LOVE black people, I just think they should stay over there!” or “It’s folks from up north *instigating* our happy negros!”—and nobody was confused about “hmm…are you a part of the civil rights movement or aren’t you?
— bfp on accountability and leadership
